pain...painless

Lh told me about a girl who is heart broken.... and this girl wrote to that heartless man: 当 早已经在我的心里种下了无数棵树，根如长藤般交连时，再拔起来后， 有否看见那淋漓的鲜血，与隐忍的疼痛 不是我，终不知道我有多爱 ，终不知道我心有多疼。我的爱情，在 的指尖，只是昙花一现的划痕，连花瓣都带着朵朵的血丝。 可以就这样走掉，丢给我一个冰凉的背影，连同我的哭泣， 都可以置之不理。坚决的背影， 有回望的可能。 看不见心不再跳动时的情景，血不再流时的姿态。That was exactly how I felt... noone knows better how i felt... the pain that pierces through the heart... I wish I know how to get up and walk... let my heart warm with blood... I really wish I know how.... all I know is to pretend I'm well and fine infront of everybody... and hide my pain in dark...

Gone crazy....

I went crazy today again... and its going to my last one... no longer I want to anymore... the truth is what i'm looking for... the truth is I have misjudged who he was... the truth is he wasn't happy all these time.. the truth is all was a mistake at the first place... the truth is all was a illusion!~!~ Dark angel came after what I had heard... went over to destroy all evidences of my present- the photos, cards, number in his hp, msn, etc. I no longer exist in his world, neither does he... who he was, was just a make believe, a dream.... Now, I have awaken... holding onto my believe years back... and I have taste the punishment for breaking that vow I swore... a fallen angel will be always a fallen angel...

heaven is never a place for a fallen angel...

Tired... exhaust... drop dead....

From tired... to exhaust... to drop dead... thats how this few days have turn from... Its so hard to control the kids especially the little jessica which is 5 years old.... she is so cute but hyper energetic. 1st day of shoot, its beyong our control to keep her doing the same thing over again and again. 2nd day of shoot I manage to find a way to control her...

Trick (1): That is to make her do a pinky promise. That's how it work, I instruct her what she should do and she will ask to do the pinky promise and if she do the pinky promise she will do it. It really works!!!!!!

Trick (2): Play game with her and make her stay still. I told her, if she get off from the place where she is seating without my permission to get off she wont have any sweet. It works too very well. Coz when gayle asked her to get off from the place, she say she can't. wahhaha

Trick (3): Rehease with them the exact scene so that they know what to do.

The rest of the kids they are so much in control, I just feed them with sweets!~!~ Wahahha kids are so easy to pamper... so easy to get contented with just a piece of sweet. That's kids.

Nevertheless, its very exhausting to keep playing with them the whole day and tell them over and over again what they should do.

Finally, I manage to recharge back abit of my energy yesterday as it was a early wrap. Drop dead in my bed before 10pm and only woke up this morning at 9am. Ke ke *sweet dream* ke ke oh should I say no dream!~!~~ ke ke

But mood turn bad after watching the ch55 drama series.... its fish!~!~ the pastry chef wanted to make a 2 fish symbol cake to express his love to that girl... fish i hate fish... anything related to fish.... I hate!!!! I wish I don't hate him... but I can't... I hate him... for been a corward.. of been afraid to face me... for running away like a chicken!!! I hate him... even as a friend he never offer a hand to pull me up... I hate him... he is pathetic! I regret for helping such a jerk! when he is down.. no matter how hard he push me aside... even to say that I'm nursing my wound... I stood up to help him... call him to pull him up from that hole he dug... i know he will walk out himself... i should have left him there by himself... my stupidity... that dug my own grave... he is pathetic as a friend to be with.... he is history now... deleted not only his number... his msn is also a sore eyes to me and i deleted also. Now i'm going to find out how to delete him off from my friendster. Seeing his picture also want to puke! From today onward... ALEX LIM CHAI GUAN no longer exist in my world. *medication time!~! Doctor say I must relax....breath breath*

I'm a lady... *giggle*

First time in my 26 years of my life, I bought my own makeup. :o) I got myself a concealer, a yellow eyeshade, and a peach blusher which cost me around $100. Never knew that women's stuff is so ex lor!!!! Last time I spend it on my toys $100++ I still got 5-6 plastics leh, now only 3 powder! Nowsaday, I tried to make it a habit to makeup before I go out and meet my frien, coz after learning from Men I understand one can be too be pretty. There is an old saying: "there is no ugly woman, only lazy woman". ke ke

Today, I finally finally get to have some life for a few hours. Went to catch a movie with unice: Pirates Of The Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest.

Captain Jack Sparrow discovers he owes a blood debt to the legendary Davey Jones, Captain of the ghostly Flying Dutchman. With time running out, Jack must find a way out of his debt or else be doomed to eternal damnation and servitude in the afterlife. Making matters worse, Sparrow's problems manage to interefere with the wedding plans of a certain Will Turner and Elizabeth Swann, who are forced to join Jack on yet another one of his misadventures.

It was a witty and entertaining movie and Johnny depp never fails to be the best actor that can play out the character of captain jack sparrow so well. Xin said it was a bit disappointment but too me it kept me hook to await the next priates. Thumbs up for the producer Jerry bruckheimer that produced most of my favourite programme such as CSI, amazing race, etc. *clap clap* Yawn!~!~! Got to go sleep.... tmr is another day....

Drop dead tired....

I'm drop dead tired..... everyday has been working and working and working!~!~! at least 12 hours a day- Monday to Saturday.... Its draining me to the max.. and its not easy having to work with so many ideas, so many mouths to listen, so many "Art directors" around, so many producer!!!!!!! I have such a pain in my ass to dress up ling's house. So what she is a control, clean freak. Even a clean freak won't be so DAMN CLEAn!~!~ It will look so flat on screen, so showflat!~!~! whatever, I have give up having to dress up and get my set been tear down into pieces. If you think you are so smart, dress it up yourself, I can't see what you are seeing. It's not my problem. you are the director, the writer, the producer, you call the shot.

My tail bones hurts very much this few days... maybe I hurt myself when I helped to stack the 100cartons of mineral water... maybe drive too long!!! Sick of driving... but I can't say no... coz i'm the only one who can drive in that company!~! Bohohohohh...

I'm so so need a life.... manage to squeeze some time for unice to watch pirates 2. Yippy!~!~ the dates are coming nearer... I can see myself been lost touch to the world around me.... bohohoh... hope all went well... too many interns around... too fresh to be on set, especially such a major production. I wanted to watch cabaret, althought its going to my off day... noone dares to book tix to go and watch.... I want to watch!~!~!

Recovery day 1

Took the first medicine to the road of recovery.... deleted his number so as not to hurt him and me any more.... I'm sorry and I know you will be upset about my decision... but pardon my decision... I too wish to be friend with you... but pardon my depart from now... its the best way to make me recover.... till i have recover... if we are fated as friends... like last time... we will meet again and perhaps one day you will call me?.... GOD makes the decision for me last night... your sms did not get to me till today, the reason GOD has gave it to me - let him go and hurt neither of us no more... and he makes me sleep like a baby, making me see things... GOD told me to move a big step ahead.... I will... I told him in my dream....

I'm the dark angel...

Dark angel possess me yesterday... I was that angel without the wings, mad with insanity... I drown myself with liquer hoping to wash away all the pain and anger I was feeling inside... he was such a bastard... a selfish one.... a fucker who dont care if anyone will get hurt as long as he don't get hurt... that was what he is!~!~ I hate him and I will never never forget him coz I will never never forgive him!~!~ I remember the last time I was struggling every christmas eve and it was E.. till I got my release, I no longer feel upset when I saw him.... he will be hated... do you think you can let time cover all the stuff and one day if we ever bump into each other we will be smiling at each other like old friends?? DREAM ON!~!~! I will hate you and hate you!~!~! That's dark angel!

Feel so sick in the stomach.... must be the liquer.... my stomach no longer can take such acid.... but I don't care.... dark angel wants to die....

Gastric and 3 men...

today went to see the master... he din't say much about my life... only said that I have gastric with a serious face and my life is good with luck.

I went to the website to do some reseach on gastric... and found that I have some of the following symptons.... most obvious is the unintentional weight loss and abdominal indigestion and nausea at times.... especially today... the stomach feel so bad....

Symptoms

• Abdominal pain
  • May wake you at night
  • May be relieved by antacids or milk
  • May occur 2 to 3 hours after a meal
  • May be worse if you don't eat
• Nausea
• Abdominal indigestion
• Vomiting, especially vomiting blood
• Blood in stools or black, tarry stools
• Unintentional weight loss
• Fatigue

And my love life... there is 3 men... and he asked me have I make up my mind.... I said if that is so... why all left me.... he said I wasn't a good fisherman.... have all 3 men appeared... he said some have come... some have left.... some still around... 3 men.... who are they?? If it all depend on my decision... why none gave me a chance.... I no longer want to discuss this kind of matter.... it no longer matter to me... coz it hurt so much just to mention anything about the matter of the heart...

I'm the fallen angel....

My wings are gone,
fallen from the sky
I lie here:
broken,
Dreams shattered,
eyes open,
Banned from paradise.

What am I to do?
take your grief,
heal your soul,
free the spirit,
feel your pain.

Run away from these emotions,
hide from what's inside.
People have become so accustomed to it.
Why should I?

My heart is bleeding.
My heart has bled.
No more weeping,
because it's dead.

World suffers,
it changes nothing.
A small reprieve,
only angers,
makes it worse,
for what can't last.

Forsaken children never question
anything's rhyme or reason.
And as I lie here so defeated...
I begin to feel Alone

Tired is the only word I know now!~!

Tired!~! Tired~!!~!~ Tired!~!~ Have been working none stop since the beginning of this week... every day i'm trap in the office till late night or can I say early morning!~!~!~ lack of sleep.. lack of life..... everyday I just jump straight to bed after work... so exhausting... mentally....physically.... emotionally tired.... i'm moving ahead??? ..... or trying to push myself ahead?? no longer I know what i'm doing, where i'm heading... i'm just clinging on to this fast train out of there.... out of the pain that I no longer can "feel".....